Photos Speak!

I like to take pictures a lot. (in case you haven't noticed the picture slideshow to the right of this post) Sometimes words are pointless. I tend to find this true a lot. Don't tell me something, just show me. Between music and pictures I could communicate just fine what I'm feeling or thinking. I took some photos of the sunset the other evening. Enjoy and contemplate(if you do that kind of thing) over them. Or if that is just too boring click the little "X" on this tab and go on with your daily life. :)

You can see/download these photos and all my other shots at:

https://plus.google.com/photos/111892639685603429540/albums/5729094789000228369

You Can Kill Without A Weapon.

I love making interesting and unusual titles. It makes you think. Maybe it's just me being mischievious and trying to lure you into a trap! Maybe not. This time it is no trick. It is real. The title says it all. I often say things to people without thinking. Its dangerous to speak before you think. When I say something that is hurtful, I almost always have an excuse to cover my actions. Its never fully my fault. Sure maybe I was a little wrong but the fault is never all mine. That is my sin and I must own it. However this is not the primary topic this post.

Our words are hurtful and sometimes the damage they do is more than we know. It is no mystery to me the amount of pain they cause. When I was younger people made fun of me(some still do in good fun :P ) and insults were no mystery for me. They hurt and made me feel beyond horrible inside. It was tough and I tried the best I could to carry on without anyone knowing. That was the way I lived until highschool. In highschool I was introduced to a new level of ridicule. Rumors and trash talk became a part of daily life. I can remember nights when all I could do is lay awake wondering why God hated me and made me the object of everyone's jokes and all their mockery. I hated God for letting it happen to me.

Memory of one such story has been forever burned in my mind. I was 15 years old I think and was not a particularly outgoing person(surprise surprise). I didn't have any real friends and kept to myself mainly for the mentioned reason above. One person tried to befriend me and I, tired of being friendless, was ready to give the whole friend thing a try. Our timid, icy friendship began to grow. I didn't want much just someone who wasn't gonna make fun of me at every turn. The friendship was steady and everything I had "imagined" a real friend would be.

Then the trouble came. I overheard my friend talking with a few others and laughing. I decided with some friendly backup I could expand my conversational tactics to others. I jumped right in and everyone seemed so nice. We talked and laughed and cut up and all seemed well. It was such a shock to me that people could be so "friendly". Then one day at a school function I saw the same group laughing like normal. This time I caught the pointing finger aimed in my direction. I managed to overhear some of their conversation. They weren't laughing at the jokes. They were laughing at me. Even my "friend" was laughing at their jokes and cheezy jeers. When I asked them outright what was so funny, I was met with a lie. I came home and the only thing I could think of was what a horrible life I had. I gave someone the chance to be a friend and they used me for comic relief. I was mad with them and myself. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone. In many ways I'm still like that.

In truth, that night I wanted to die. Not just a half-hearted wish, but deep down to my core thought I would be better off dead. Words of a "friend" had driven me to the brink. I think if God had not been gracious to me and allowed me to fall asleep, I probably would not be here today.

I chose to share this story because I want you to think before you say things. Never say something you don't truly mean. People may believe you and when the truth comes out, it can be devastating. And jokes are all fun and good, I take and make my fair share of them. But you don't always know the state of mind your target may be. Your simple joke might just be the last straw. I tell people today I would rather you be brutal and hard with the truth than tell me a sweet lie. You can kill without a weapon.

The Best/Worst Feeling

If you read the title you may be sorely disappointed with what I am about to say. For me some of the best and worst feelings come from apologies and forgiveness. That's right, some of the best feelings I've ever experienced were from apologizing to someone and laying out before them how I failed or what mistake I had made.

Rather strange isn't it? It is until you think about what is going on in the "background". Apologizing is usually thought of as a hard thing to do. I used to agree with that sentiment. Then I realized that making right your wrong and re-uniting two people in friendship or within the family of like minded believers should be exciting and not hard. Yes you made a mistake. You probably screwed something great up. But the thing I look forward to is telling the person you did wrong to that it was a mistake and that it was wrong. Then to extend the desire to re-unite in friendship and move forward towards the kingdom. That's the best feeling in the world. To know that through the extensive love of the Father and His design we can make right our wrongs. Granted the wrongs are sometimes so great that while forgiveness may be granted the damage is done. Those are the worst feelings I have known. It is horrifying to know that your mistakes affect not only you but also someone else, the recipient of your sin.

My mistakes seem to always come in giant waves and destroy virtually everything in their path. It also seems that my mistakes affect others a lot. I hate that feeling and knowing it was my sin that made things the way they are or will be. In spite of this, I still look forward to apologizing because I know it is the right thing to do regardless of the consequences. The sin deserves the consequences not the apologizing. The act of apologizing should show remorse for the action not fear of the consequences.

This is a nice short little post but it's packed with some amazing, thought provoking material.

I hope to see you all reading this and that you return tomorrow too!

Plans and Reality

So I had plans to "expand" on my post from last night. I have something I feel is far more important to discuss instead. I will instead talk with you (more accurately talk to you) about people. I strange topic perhaps but its meant to pique your curiosity so you keep reading. If it works great, if not don't tell me. Ignorance is bliss. :P

As I have said in my introductory post I do not enjoy people very much. This still holds true. The catch, however, is even if I do not enjoy interacting with most it is required and even commanded. Unable to sleep last night I decided to spend some time contemplating why I avoid people so much. It came to my attention that I do not dislike people. I love people and love interacting. What I dislike and detest so much is people's treatment of one another.

Now just to be clear, I am not excluding myself from this group. In fact it was my own treatment of people that led me to this. When I realized how cruel I was to people I became disgusted with myself. This was followed by the realization that everyone was doing it. Lying, cheating, slander, rumors, and open hostility were commonplace. When did we, as young people, decide that such cruelty was acceptable? I found myself talking poorly of everyone. Friends, people I knew, and enemies alike were victims of my words. Not long ago I made a promise to never again speak negatively of anyone and to make right with the people I had wronged. It saddens and frustrates me to see others doing what I used to. I wish I could say I was a better influence on them but I still struggle with it. All of this to say I love people and being around my friends but I hate the way we treat others. I could sit here all day and talk to you about why its wrong and what we should do instead, but it only makes sense to one who sees the truth.

I used to find excuses for why I said what I did about others. Some of my best were:

• "They deserved it after what they did to me."
• "That person is just weird so its okay to say this."
• "I'm no friend of theirs so what does it matter if I talk about them behind their back?"
• "I can say all this because its true. It doesn't matter how mean or cruel as long as it's true."

The truth is, we all down-talk someone every day. We don't always see it as such but that is pride and arrogance blinding us from the sin as it stands. What kind of a world would it be if we all withheld judgement and didn't spread other people's struggles and matters around? It doesn't matter if its true or not. The question you have to ask is, if it was you in their position would you want someone spreading something about you?

I can remember times where I heard what people were saying about me and all I could think of was what I could say back or to someone else to destroy my target's character and life. I was always scheming for ways to ruin reputations and break spirits by mercilessly spreading falsities.

I now seek to only ever tell the truth and to only ever honor people I come into contact with. It is the Biblical thing to do. And as a new man in Christ I can not continue those practices.

Now if you're reading this and think "I don't believe in the God stuff or being that religious" just ask yourself if its the morally right thing to do. Your conscience, if not completely seared and dead, should tell you that slander and rumor spreading are wrong whether its a "religious" thing or not.

So this feels very scattered and un-organized but you were warned. This flows from a mind of insanity.

I think next time I will touch on a similar subject. Maybe not. Maybe something about rain or trees or......

What Are Your Values?

So my first post was an introduction and I tried to briefly describe myself. It was a failure from the start as trying to make such a description in such a space is impossible. Not to say that my story is any different from yours, but it is difficult to describe a lifetime in a paragraph or two. I digress with lesser words but you get the point right? (if not just pretend you do :P )

This afternoon I had a great honor I was not prepared for. I was asked to give a fellow Eagle Scout his Eagle Charge. For those who do not know much of the "Eagle Scout Lore" the Charge is a solemn address to the new Eagle Scout where he is charged to live a life that is above and beyond average. The charge challenges the Eagle to live a life of honor, loyalty, courage, joy, and service minded kindness. These are the ideals of any scout, but the Eagle Scout is not only held to these standards, but also to lead others in the same path.

A scouting buddy named Sam Williams was recently awarded his Eagle Scout rank and he called me up asking for help with his Court of Honor. I told him I would do whatever he needed and I would be there. When I arrived this afternoon he handed me a script and pointed to what I would be saying. I was shocked at first. Unsure why he chose to have me give him his Eagle Scout Charge. It was a huge speaking part and one of the most important! Why pick me????? (I hate public speaking) I was hesitant but I gave him my word so I did my best to read through the 2 pages of the Eagle Charge. Paraphrasing a little and personalizing it when I got stuck but the meaning did not change. What an honor it was that out of the other adults, leaders, and people he could have chosen, he selected me.

I attained the rank of Eagle Scout in 2010. During my Eagle Board of Review the panel members asked why I joined scouts. I explained that I enjoyed the outdoors, camping, and survival skills but my greatest motivation was the opportunity to do great things. I wanted service opportunities. I described to them how I became fascinated with the Eagle Scout rank when I discovered only a fraction(less than 5%) of scouts make it that far. I wanted the chance to rise to the occasion and achieve what many could not. The board then asked me what I would do if they were to grant me the rank of Eagle. I said I would strive to be an example of scouting and of the Eagle rank in everything I did. I was dismissed from the room while the board deliberated. I waited nervously for the call to return before them and hear the results. When I was finally called back in, they asked me if I had learned anything from my Eagle "trail". The first thing that popped into my mind was, "Absolutely. I learned procrastinating is foolish and that I was unwise to have waited so late to try and reach the top." The head of the board then told me, "We'll hold you to that." I was a little confused at first until he read back to me what I had said earlier. I realized he had been writing down what I said and it suddenly made sense. He concluded with:

"We want you to be an example to other scouts. The rank of Eagle Scout is yours, but you have an obligation to pass on your experience to other scouts and to help them along their way. We have been told about how you work with younger scouts and include them with the big guys. You were a friend to new scouts and encouraged them in their advancement. We ask that after your scouting career as a young man is over that you return to the program and continue instructing young boys into men and followers into leaders as a scoutmaster."

I was thrilled that I had actually made the last big step. The rank of Eagle Scout was mine. With it came a lot of responsibility and honor. I am now almost 20 and even though school is crazy and working takes much of my time, I still try and make some time to keep in touch with my troop and I will eventually return to serve as an Assistant Scoutmaster.

All of this is an introduction to what I will post about tomorrow. I feel "led" sometimes to share things. For what purpose I will probably never know, but that is of little consequence.

Until Next Time.

Introducing the Author

So a first post should be about the author in case you don't know me or find this blog by happenstance this is to fill you in a little before diving into the real stuff.

This feels insanely narcissistic and I actually had to sit here and think about what I was going to say.

I am a Sophomore studying mathematics and computer science in Georgia. I am currently working 3 "jobs": I serve an office's IT needs, own my own computer shop, and tutor high school mathematics on the side. For school my least favorite subject was writing (yet here I am writing a blog?) and I have always been horrible at Chemistry. My life is very boring and un-eventful. Part of this is my own choice and the rest I blame on a busy schedule.

A bit more about character. I have been called many things but allowing them to influence would be manipulation. I see myself as an angry, impatient, fool who tends to think and say the worst before even checking it out. I used to be talkative but found it rather pointless so I tend to not converse much anymore.

A little on the "lighter side", I am brutally honest and don't tend to play with words. My favorite quote in regard to speaking truth is:

"If something needs to be said then just say it. The truth will be the truth no matter how you spin it. The only question is how much of a fool do you make of yourself in the process."

There is a small handful of people I would die for. Those I call my friends I do not abandon for any reason except if they wish it. I enjoy serving anyone but my friends most of all.

This is of course just an introduction and I am sure I forgot important stuff but who knows. Anyway one last thing before I go. My life is one of irony. I wish I could explain why but that is for another day.

I hope you follow this blog to see what I say about each day and you may get to know what makes an insane person tick. :)