I love making interesting and unusual titles. It makes you think. Maybe it's just me being mischievious and trying to lure you into a trap! Maybe not. This time it is no trick. It is real. The title says it all. I often say things to people without thinking. Its dangerous to speak before you think. When I say something that is hurtful, I almost always have an excuse to cover my actions. Its never fully my fault. Sure maybe I was a little wrong but the fault is never all mine. That is my sin and I must own it. However this is not the primary topic this post.
Our words are hurtful and sometimes the damage they do is more than we know. It is no mystery to me the amount of pain they cause. When I was younger people made fun of me(some still do in good fun :P ) and insults were no mystery for me. They hurt and made me feel beyond horrible inside. It was tough and I tried the best I could to carry on without anyone knowing. That was the way I lived until highschool. In highschool I was introduced to a new level of ridicule. Rumors and trash talk became a part of daily life. I can remember nights when all I could do is lay awake wondering why God hated me and made me the object of everyone's jokes and all their mockery. I hated God for letting it happen to me.
Memory of one such story has been forever burned in my mind. I was 15 years old I think and was not a particularly outgoing person(surprise surprise). I didn't have any real friends and kept to myself mainly for the mentioned reason above. One person tried to befriend me and I, tired of being friendless, was ready to give the whole friend thing a try. Our timid, icy friendship began to grow. I didn't want much just someone who wasn't gonna make fun of me at every turn. The friendship was steady and everything I had "imagined" a real friend would be.
Then the trouble came. I overheard my friend talking with a few others and laughing. I decided with some friendly backup I could expand my conversational tactics to others. I jumped right in and everyone seemed so nice. We talked and laughed and cut up and all seemed well. It was such a shock to me that people could be so "friendly". Then one day at a school function I saw the same group laughing like normal. This time I caught the pointing finger aimed in my direction. I managed to overhear some of their conversation. They weren't laughing at the jokes. They were laughing at me. Even my "friend" was laughing at their jokes and cheezy jeers. When I asked them outright what was so funny, I was met with a lie. I came home and the only thing I could think of was what a horrible life I had. I gave someone the chance to be a friend and they used me for comic relief. I was mad with them and myself. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone. In many ways I'm still like that.
In truth, that night I wanted to die. Not just a half-hearted wish, but deep down to my core thought I would be better off dead. Words of a "friend" had driven me to the brink. I think if God had not been gracious to me and allowed me to fall asleep, I probably would not be here today.
I chose to share this story because I want you to think before you say things. Never say something you don't truly mean. People may believe you and when the truth comes out, it can be devastating. And jokes are all fun and good, I take and make my fair share of them. But you don't always know the state of mind your target may be. Your simple joke might just be the last straw. I tell people today I would rather you be brutal and hard with the truth than tell me a sweet lie. You can kill without a weapon.
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